My husband left me....

Okay, so this happens every year, and I may be acting a bit dramatic...but I really miss him this year!

Last week was Ryan's first week back at work for the year. They are just NOW thawing out from our horrendous (sp?) winter.

I tend to eat healthier when he is gone, most of the time. So that's good. And, our hope is, that in less than 2 months we'll have a place up in NoWhere'sLand, MN to call home and where Ryan can come home every night!

Good things are coming! I can just feel it! We are all ready to live a bit simpler life. And I'm ready to have pet chickens that give me fresh eggs for breakfast. :)

Ryan's ready to have a pole barn.

The girls are ready to have a pool.

The dogs are ready to run!!!

And the cats? They have NO idea what's coming.

O.C.D much?

I will be the first to admit that I am a bit obsessive. Actually, Ryan will probably be the first to admit, I will confirm.

My morning routine consists of getting on the scale approximately 4 times. Before using the bathroom, after going to the bathroom. Before getting dressed (neked), after getting dressed. I know this may be viewed as not healthy....however, I just like to know. I also weigh myself once after going using the restroom on our older dial scale (remember those? Before things got all fancy and digitalized?). So really I weigh myself a total of 5 times in the morning, on 2 different scales.

We won't even talk about bedtime. Or if I have a day off. I think the scale owns me.

Does anyone else do this? Does anyone else weigh themselves, and then get on 1.4 seconds later to see if anything has changed? No? Me neither. Never.

In other news....The exercise bug has bit me. Yesterday I walked a total of 5 miles and biked 5 miles. My legs are tiiirrrred. But weird thing...it makes me feel better, ya know? It makes me feel like I'm focusing on my health. I mean I've been eating healthy for a couple months and lost about 16 lbs, but exercising just makes me feeeeel good.

So yesterday, I earned 9 activity PointsPlus by all that activity (according to my ActiveLink). I usually don't eat my activity PP as I am trying to lose weight (obviously), but I did decide to treat myself to an Oreo Shure, bert! cookie and 2 Dove chocolates. Have you tried these? Oh, flippin' yum.

Horrible Picture, Delicious Cookie!

Meanwhile, my clueless husband packed away a half box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies (the first half of the box he ate for breakfast). It's all about moderation, yes? Plus I hear that inner fat is more unhealthy than outer fat... ;)

Obstacles

So. To say that I have obstacles to overcome in my life would be an understatement. MAJOR understatement.

I have to learn that I cannot lose 15 lbs and 3 pants sizes in 2 days. No matter how badly I want it. And wanting it so bad makes me extremely dissappointed and crabby when the scale moves .2 in 2 days instead.

I also have to learn that though exercising once a week is a good start, it is not what I should consider "good enough".

I also have to learn that weekends are still meant to be on plan....not an excuse to eat what I want, because it's the weekend.

So. Again. I have obstacles to overcome, but I will.

I believe we have a rental agreement on our house. This is not exactly what we were looking for, as we (of course) were hoping to sell, however houses in Mora are on the market for over a year on average. And we are wanting to move this summer. This is okay with me. I am satisfied, and believe that it was all in God's timing as this family fell into our laps and they are perfect for our house.

I also received the confirmation that my job will easily transfer up north which is a huge relief, as I would hate to lose my income and benefits.

Wish us luck....it looks like we are moving!

Down 2

So, guess what. Back down 2 today. Seriously. Almost 3 weeks of up 2, down 2. Let's hope this is the time it will CONTINUE to move down!

Last night was a bit of a rough one.

About a week ago, Brooklyn came down with a bad cough and sore throat. All week, she has been just not feeling well. Some moments of the day she is up and running around and playing, then next thing you know she's laying on the couch.

Yesterday, around lunch time, I got a call from the school nurse saying Brooke was developing a rash on her arms. After talking with Brooke and the nurse, we decided it didn't look suspicious and she'd rub some calamine lotion on it and send her back to class.

Fast forward to last night, we had her jump in the shower as her spots were spreading, just in case she had something on her that was irritating her skin. We have not been using any new soaps, lotions, detergent, etc. No new foods, nothing.

So Brooklyn jumps out of the shower and all of a sudden she has them on her face, legs, belly, they are EVERYWHERE. So we decided to take her to the ER. We hate the ER, it is slow, full of germs, can't stand it. However of course this happens when the clinic is closed, and the ER is our ONLY option, unless we want to try to tough it out.

So to the ER we go. After a strep test, and hours of waiting we are told she has tonsilitis and brochial infection. Rash is still unidentified.

We decided after very few hours of sleep, that Brooklyn was going to get a sick day. I think she earned it.

So now, fast forward to today. Her rash is WAY worse. Being the paranoid parent that I am, I made Ryan get her in to the normal clinic. I'm not sure if she developed an allergy, or if it's due to her sickness, but it leads to one worried momma and daddy!

Hopefully the doctor will know a little bit more. The PA last night said that her tonsils and glands are very swollen, which is probably due to her body trying to fight off the infection. She is on an antibiotic now, but the rash is what worries me, and the poor thing can't sleep at night because she coughs SO much.

So anyways, hopefully spring actually decides to come soon so we can get rid of all these germs!

GrRrR!

Ugggg!!!!

So for the past couple weeks I have been frustrated!!!!! The scale will seriously go down 2 lbs, and then back up 2. Over and over. Just when I have hope that it's going back down, it goes back up.

I'm about ready to shoot my scale. I know that this is truly a test for me. I know I can stick with it and the scale will HAVE to move eventually. I am not cheating, I have added in exercise this week. It has to move. Right!?

My frustration is that it's not like I have lost a lot of weight already in this journey and am comfortably sitting in a plateau. I have a big chunk left to lose still, and though I have lost 12-14 lbs (depending on the day) I am in the beginning steps and need to be motivated by the scale and rewarded for my hard work and effort. I am scared that if it continues to do this I will quit.

So I am praying hard for the scale to show me a victory. In non-scale news my previously t.i.g.h.t. pants are now fitting VERY comfortably, if not even loose. But let's face it. I'm a numbers person. Numbers don't lie. SHOW ME THE NUMBERS!!

My Refocus Monday

Today is a refocus day. This weekend was a bit hard. I had a migraine, it was cold and snowy, and let's just face it. Weekends suck for diets.

I didn't jump off the deep end, but I didn't make good choices either. One bad choice I made? Making a batch of key lime cookies. Fail. They were delicious. But I told Ryan they better be gone by the time I get home.

This week is my time to focus on exercise, and eating all of my PointsPlus for WW. The past two weeks I have been trying to eat as few points as possible in hopes to lose more weight and the scale has been at a standstill...so I'll try focusing on eating all of my PointsPlus, but adding in activity.

I also bought a activity tracker that tracks your activity from WW. It gives you a baseline amount of activity you should get during the day and then lets you set goals for yourself. The fun thing is that it also tells you how many activity points you earn based on how much exercise you got throughout the day. I have read several reviews and read blogs where people use the tracker and really enjoy it. Also, I am more likely to get up an moving if I have a goal to reach.

I would also like to mention that I hate spring this year. Normally it is one of my favorite times....this year it sucks! Today we had an inch of icy-slush to drive to work in, will it ever quit!?

Dear Winter, You have had your allowed time, now leave us alone. Sincerely, The Shaw's in Minnesota.

Onward and Downward....

I think the saying is "onward and upward" but to me, my goal is to go downward. ;)

The scale is still moving! (slowly, but still moving).

I haven't incorporated exercise the way I'd like yet, don't judge.

Ryan tells me when I start exercising I'll start losing faster, therefore I will stop complaining that I am losing so slow. He knows this because he has suffered through the pain and agony of depriving himself of all things delicious (I'm being dramatic) and has had to run 17 miles a day to drop a few pounds (again with the drama). Oh wait, we are talking about Ryan...the one who can eat a bag of cadbury mini eggs for breakfast, wash it down with a mountain dew, and then complain that his pants are too loose.

Okay, enough with the jealousy. I tried to convince myself that I could eat the same way Ryan eats, and well....we all know where that got me.

So onward and downward I will go. Slowly, yet surely I will make it happen.

In the mean time I will be taking advice from Ryan, the expert at weight loss. ;) Love you, Ryan. Yet, I hate your ability to consume buckets full of wonderful food and still look dang good in your jeans.

It's a Good Day!

We finally got our "50" degree's yesterday, although I'd have to say it was a chilly 50* with the wind and clouds! But snow is melting like crazy which means that green grass is on it's way!

The scale was good to me today, and finally was down after my Easter munching. This alone gives me a little pep in my step! I have learned my lesson on losing focus for 3 days! I know that everyone needs a little sanity day every now and then of not counting points and calories...but 3 days is too much for my body, it doesn't like that!

My goal is to make it until my birthday (end of MAY!) without allowing myself a non tracking day again. Although I never go crazy on my non tracking days, I still tend to do more mindless munching and eat saltier foods than I normally would. So that is my goal, and I'm ready for the challenge to myself!

I also want to add in more exercise. I've been just okay at adding in exercise. So I need to get better. I was able to jog for 3 - 15 minute intervals (very, VERY slow intervals), so that makes me feel good...now to just slowly work on distance and then speed.

I know that I should get in all of the exercise I can now to make it more of a habit, because soon Ryan will be back to work and my days will be MUCH busier. (sad....)

I need to get better about posting pictures on here, but to be honest I don't have much patience for that. So I'll put that as a goal for this month also.

Not Too Bad

That heading up there is how I feel today....it could be worse. I went completely off track for 3 days. No exercising (besides walking), not planned eating, sweets, it could have been worse. But I realize that and am jumping on the bandwagon, again.

On Friday I was down a total of 12 lbs, then after the weekend....it's only 9 lbs. I gained 3 lbs, although I'm sure much is due to water as most the food I consumed this weekend was sal-ty! I need to know that I can have these types of weekends though and then turn it around and get back on track....I know my eating is not going to be perfect all of the time, but as long as I turn it around, that's a step right?

So today is a new day. Looking back, do I wish I wouldn't have gone off track for 3 days? Of course. But could it have been worse? Yup. And I probably ate better than I normally would have (i.e. I didn't have 3 plate fulls on Easter, instead 1 was plenty!)

So here we go again! And I will succeed! I want it this time, and I will reach it!

Weekly Weigh-In

Happy Monday! Hope you had a fun weekend! Mine flew by. Super fast! I had to work on Saturday, but it turned out to be a pretty productive day at least! Then while I was working I found out that my sister in law was in labor, and not too much later found out that little Henry was here! We got up and ready Sunday morning and headed down to see our new nephew, he's adorable! Then today Ryan and I had some errands to run so we spent the day together while the girls were in school.

This week has been pretty easy diet wise, I think I'm getting into a routine. Some days are harder than others...but overall I feel pretty comfortable in what I'm doing. I was a bit frustrated weight wise, after about 6 days between last week and this week with no movement on the scale, but it finally started to move again. Thank goodness!

Total loss this week....duh, du-du-duhhhh....down 3 lbs, for a total loss of 11....

This means its time to start workin it out! I told myself that at 10 lbs I'd start exercising too....so it's time!

My Daily Battles

I find myself having a lot of battles this week. Most of them are with myself.... For example, today I did not have anything prepared for lunch, so I knew I had to make a trip to Walmart to pick something up, of course I had to walk by all of the Easter candy {yum}, and then all the delicious baked cookies and cupcakes {yum}, and then I could smell the deli fryin' up some chicken {yum}, and last but not least...I noticed an endcap that had reeses eggs ice cream bars and mounds ice cream bars {umm, yum}. Now, I know that I can alocate for these if I want, I am choosing to get more food for my calorie...So I am empowering myself by making the "good" choices, right? Still hard to do. Really.Flippin'.Hard.

Okay.

 So, I am only a couple pounds from my first little mini goal, I am hoping it doesn't take too long to get there. After I reach that goal, I will encorporate some exercise into my routine...which I am excited about. I decided to make a goal for myself to workout after losing 10 pounds, only because I know me...and I know if I try to do it all right away my body freaks out and tries to abort the mission completely. {which causes me to not lose any weight and then my mind freaks out and also aborts...}. Therefore, I am trying to be realistic with myself and what I think is good for me. I am really trying to do what works for me, and NOT what I hear works for others...so far, so good.

I have to say, the beginning of weight loss is the hardest for me. I still feel fat and bulgy, yet feel like I'm starving from eating considerably less than my body was previously used to. This is always the hardest transition for me. So I am praying daily for strength to charge on!

I also really need to get my act together for meal planning. I usually can come with something in a flash, but this is also when I tend to do those "just this once" decisions that turn into much more than "just this once".

You know what I'm talking about, right??

Week Two....DONE!

Yesterday marked the end of week 2, I've made it 2 weeks and dare I say it was almost easy? The choices are almost easy to make when you're committed to yourself and health. Weird.

This weekend stressed me out a bit, because Ryan wanted to go to the Twin Cities Auto Show, which doesn't exactly have healthy choices for food. But we stopped at Subway on the way down, which left me with enough calories to have an ice cream cone with the girls. It was delicious!

I tried uploading some pics from the auto show...but I'm blogging from my work computer, and just don't have the ability (or patience) to get them on here.

Yesterday Ryan and I went out for a snowmobile ride, and I actually had a lot of fun. I say actually because I struggled with snowmobiling in the past. It wasn't really my favorite thing to do. But I really had a blast with him yesterday. I think we might actually go out again today, since we got another 3 inches of snow in Mora. The last few weeks have been crappy driving, there have been several mornings that I drive in just a few inches of snow, not enough to close stuff down, but enough to make my commute r.e.a.l.l.y.s.l.o.w. But I hear spring is right around the corner. ;)

Oh, and my Monday weigh in results.....down another 4 lbs, for a total of 8 lbs in two weeks. 4 lbs a week!? I'll take it! I just hope I don't get discouraged when my body starts to slow down a bit.

Busy Bee!

So this week is crazy, 4 out of 5 days are days I have meetings in which food is provided. Usually this food is not healthy, but this week...surprisingly has been going okay!

Today we had a W.I.T. fair at work. The local 6th graders get to come to the college and listen to several different women in various types of careers talk. Guess who is a 6th grader and who got to come??

Hannah!

I didn't get her in my group though...bummer. But she did give me a big hug. :) My groups favorite career was the Homeland Security. And a few vets...

I knew lunch for this was going to be unhealthy, so I BYOB (brought my own banana) to snack on, and knew I'd be finished by 1pm and able to jump back in my office for a few minutes to make a quick lunch. Good thing I did plan this, because they had hot dogs, chips, soda, and a cookie.

Tonight I have a later meeting, so I'll have a late supper too. I try to be done eating by 6 or 6:30 every night, so I can unwind and try not to think about eating. In the past I'd sit in front of the T.V. and think about what I could snack on next.

On the menu for tonight: grilled cheese and ham sandwiches (lowfat style!) and low fat creamy mushroom soup. I'm excited!

I hope to get some pictures on here soon. Some updates on the family and pets are due!!

Well off to my next meeting!

Chugging along!

Happy Tuesday!

I officially have 1 week of "operation healthy" under my belt....speaking of belts, I actually got to tighten mine up a notch already! It's the small things, isn't it?

Weekend was hard but do-able....it was probably a little earlier because we stayed home all weekend, eating out is always tough while trying to keep it healthy.

Monday and today I was in a meeting all day, both days I made good choices. I brought breakfast and fruit with me, and lunch luckily were salads both days. I was pretty proud that I skipped the breads and limited myself to half a cookie, instead of grabbing two like I saw most others doing.

Don't get me wrong....there will definitely be days I indulge, but I plan on being very picky on when that is.... Being limited to holidays or birthdays.

Oh....and best part of my week so far (besides the tightening of the belt), I lost 4 lbs! I've got a ways to go before I feel comfortable in my skin again...but it's a good start!

Off to enjoy some time with the girls and Ryan....

It's Friday!

Woohoo! That title alone means I made it through my first work week of operation healthy lifestyle! :)

I have all of my meals and snacks in my lunch bag, ready for the day. It's amazing how much easier eating healthy is when you are prepared!

Tonight I am going out to dinner with a friend after work. I was really nervous and anxious about it at first because I thought it would lead to a derail. But then she mentioned Applebee's and guess what!? Applebees actually has some pretty healthy meals to choose from! So this has me feeling more positive, although I won't allow myself to splurge on the fruity drink (I'll stick to water), I should leave there feeling in control.  Which I like!

We are expecting some snow this weekend....AGAIN! So this could mean some more shoveling which = a good workout. We just got at least 6 inches earlier this week, but with the snowmobiling that Ryan is still hoping to get it, more snow is welcomed!

Menu plan for today!

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ PB2

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Spaghetti w/ side salad and apple

Dinner: Applebees (something off the under 550 or Weight Watchers menu, I'll decide when I get there!)

Snacks: banana and of course my 2 Dove promise chocolates!

Wish me luck for the weekend!

Just another day...

I think, just maybe, that this time around I may just be in the right mindset to really make changes.

In the past, even though I have been really motivated (having read every motivation piece, story, blog known to woman) and really sick of my current self, I'd get a week in, or less, and call it quits. I am a quitter, and good at it!

But this time. I think this time is different, even Ryan says he can hear a different tone in my voice when I complain that I'm hungry (haa!)

I think the difference is this time I have the determination to do it and get to my goal. Of course, any other time I'd dream about the end result of swimsuits and shorts....but I feel a determination burning inside of me this time! And taking this with a more realistic approach I think is key for me. (Knock on wood.)

I stuck to my plan very well yesterday. And did not feel overwhelmed. When I get bored, I feel hungry...so my mind must learn the difference between those two things.

This morning was a nice and relaxed day, late start for the girls which means I take those mornings off too. Something about getting that extra hour of sleep that makes the day so much better! I was able to move slower and get my coffee ready, eat breakfast, put my lunch together and still chat with Ryan and the girls. Every day should be late start day!

Here's what my meal plan today looks like:

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ PB2 and Coffee

 

Lunch: Buffalo Chicken Salad w/ yogurt ranch.

 

Dinner: Fried egg pita w/ baked chips and apple

 

Snacks: banana, popcorn, and dessert = 2 dove dark chocolate promises

 

It's going to be a great day!

How many weeks make a habit?

So I am on Day 3, which means I successfully finished Day 2. I keep waiting for it to get easier....it's supposed to at some point, right!?

Yesterday was just ok.

I did it. I measured, and counted, and survived. I also went to bed at 8:00pm which helped with any night time cravings. Ha!

Ryan and I made some dinner plans for the week, so I feel more in control that way, which is awesome! I like control, and hat feeling out of control...which I think is what finally "broke" me into this healthiness challenge with myself...

Ryan and I are hoping to make a second visit to Hawaii this next winter, and for me it is VERY important to not have to go on another vacation feeling fat!

My meal plans for today:

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ 6 oz of PB2 (a powdered form of peanut butter that adds a TON of flavor to oatmeal for this peanut butter lover!)

 

Lunch: Light Chicken Pot Pie soup w/ extra veggies, apple

 

Dinner: Turkey Burger w/ thin bun and french fries (baked, of course)

 

Snacks: yogurt, banana, and my dark dove chocolate after dinner...what can I say, I have a sweet tooth.

So there you have it...trying to be accountable in every way possible!

Oh, and if you are wondering...my goal is to make calorie changes first....and once I feel I have that in control, I will work in getting in the appropriate food groups. Knowing myself, if I expect too much of myself right away, I'll quit. So small steady changes is key.

We also walk the dogs every day (except the last two days...I was too exhausted), so besides that I'm not planning on adding in exercise until I've lost my first 10 lbs...and then I'll introduce exercise to my body. Slow and steady, people. I'm going into this as real as possible, and not setting myself up for failure by expecting my diet to be perfect and exercise 6 days a week right off the bat! I'll get there though...you just wait!

Day 1 - Check!

Okay, well day one was a success.

I actually felt pretty good all day long...no big cravings. I do know that I need to have my week of meals planned out better. When I don't have something planned, that's when I make horrible decisions.

Not planning = Not good. End of story.

Today was not bad though. I had cottage cheese with a peach for breakfast, grapes for a snack, and chicken breast for lunch. Once I got home I was starving and had a pita with salsa dip (low cal) and for supper I had a Smart Ones Rice & Beans with a low fat tortilla and a banana. Since I was still under I treated myself to 2 tiny squares of dark chocolate. Not bad, but not perfect...I know I need to put more thought into my whole day of eating.

So my goal this week is to begin meal planning for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I work full time, and over half of that time is spend on the road or working with child care providers in their homes...so planning is key to me not stopping at McD's or Taco Bell. When I leave the house in the morning, I need to have breakfast, lunch, and snacks with me or I'm doomed! Also, I need to be able to get home and throw together supper and not be tempted to just order pizza or make something quick (and unhealthy!) These are the things that I need to learn about myself and work on!

Another of my struggles is others food....for example, this morning I came to work and someone was microwaving a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant sandwich..., now this is something I would not choose to eat normally, but not that I know I wouldn't choose to include that in my diet it makes me want it more....bacon smells delicious. Just saying.

It's time!

Okay, so today marks the day where it's time for "operation healthy". Although this has been a journey traveled many times before, today feels different. After the past 3 years of stress and weight battle, I am ready to say adios to junk food and laziness.

Today is a good day!

My hope is by posting a blog about it, although only 2.5 people read my blog (I count Ryan as a .5 because it's kind of his duty as a husband), anyhoo..my hope is by posting it I'll be accountable.

What's my plan you say?

Eat healthy and exercise....good ol' fashion fix all for those extra pounds I don't want hitching a ride anymore!

Although I have always, always struggled with weight...and when I wasn't struggling with my weight, I was struggling with healthy eating or lack of eating. It's been about 3 years since my parents divorced and I think that's what has really triggered the past 3 years of eating too much and exercising too little. My parents trigger a stressor in me that I cannot control (or couldn't feel in control in the past) and this has led to very unhealthy habits in my life. I am hoping to let this go...and that, I hope, will be the difference this time around! Of course I think I will need to deal with those feelings at some point, as I don't always feel I have a good, healthy relationship with my parents. But for now, I have my family to focus on, and they deserve a healthy wife and mom.

So there it is.... a little peek into my Monday. And an introduction to a new lifestyle. Wish me luck! I will NEED it!