so saying i've been a "negative nellie" lately would be an understatement.
i'm in a state of feeling a little sorry for myself. i'm overly hard on myself about my weight lately, i've always been hard on myself...i'm not sure if that comes from being the oldest?? i can't even look in the mirror without being way over-the-top critical of myself. i wanted to be on a better track by now, being this close to our vacation...but of course i can't stop eating crap! nor do i want to work out...ever! i wake up so early in the morning only to be rushed by getting everything for myself and the girls ready for the day....it seems like the mornings are all one huge argument of getting them to cooperate..... then i go to work for 10 hours to work with families who are way worse off than i am...you'd think that'd make me appreciate what i have, but it's not really that i don't appreciate what i have...it's just i'm so burnt out in the regular routine right now. after 10 long hours at work (11.5 after lunch and driving) i go pick the girls up only to hear them arguing the whole way home...as soon as we walk in the door it's the rush of dinner, homework, baths, animals fed, bedtime, getting stuff ready for the next day and do it all over again....it exhausts me just thinking about it! i'd do about anything to be a stay at home mom and have my time with them be sooo much more enjoyable....but there is no possible way one can afford that these days! ryan and i are both very blessed to have good jobs with wonderful benefits. but it's seems like all i do lately is pray for energy and patience! i know that it has been a long season this year with ryan being out of town since May...i haven't had to deal with that for awhile...so some of it is just being burnt out. but i just wish i was able to deal with the whole thing better....instead of feeling like i was on the verge of a melt down all the time! i know it's a little worse now also because it's colder, darker, and the days are shorter....but i will beat this!
don't get me wrong! i am very thankful for everything God has given us! we are extremely blessed...i am just in a funk...and need to work my way out. i think it may be God's way of letting me know i need some more prayer....i tend to want to do EVERYTHING...and i think he may want me to rely on him a little more, which i know i need to do.
so that is my goal. my goal is to be more patient, understanding...and not try to hold so much on my shoulders. i will have more conversation this week with God...for he is the only one who truely knows the true plan of our lives anyway...i suppose i could trust Him to help guide me huh??
It's amazing how you are able to breathe once you give god the control to guide you thru your everyday struggles. I hope that you are able to get thru your funk. well all have moments when it comes back and then you have to check yourself again. :)
ReplyDeleteIf you can lose that stress in your life it will help your weigh. How many times have they said on the biggest loser that stress is a weight killer? I've had the same workout for a year, I lost weight like crazy until I knew I was going to be giving a speech for a mens retreat, then I gained 5 pounds. I think people don't hear enough that say you don't get your kids to school one day, or you have to call in sick, the world won't end. Lots of people like to focus on "they had it all and lost it in a day" stories. Angie likes to start mornings singing "Rise and shine and give god the glory glory!" That helps too.
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